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May 13, 2011
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There is not any sand
On this beach; it's just stone
In a thick gray-white strand
With a blue undertone,
And an iron-red cliff
That has been overgrown
With thin grasses made stiff
By the sun.  The seesaw
Of the surf, like a biff,
Can crush stones in its maw
And then toss them out, fresh,
Having rubbed out each flaw,
With the smoothness of flesh,
Every rock is reborn,
Nested tight in a mesh
Of seaweed, and kept warm
By a sprinkling of dust
Made of silt and the fresh
Taste of salt.  Each wave's thrust
Sends a mineral scent
On a sweet exodus
From this beach made of stones
And the smoothness of bones.
(based on a true story)

A terza rima in anapestic duometer. I like anapests. :)
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Daily Deviation

Given 2011-06-18
Clovelly Beach by ~anapests-and-ink is a fantastic study of form and structure that takes the sound of a seashore and infuses the lines with its rhythm and breath. ( Suggested by zebrazebrazebra and Featured by nycterent )
:iconbacht:
BACHT Featured By Owner Dec 3, 2011  Professional General Artist
nice diction you choose.. this poet is beautiful. I like it :)
Reply
:iconanapests-and-ink:
anapests-and-ink Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconbacht:
BACHT Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2011  Professional General Artist
you are welcome :)
Reply
:iconmaldudemaker:
MalDudemaker Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Lovely! Really evocative, and you could almost be describing the beach outside my window, not any sand, just stone. Love it :thumbsup:
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:iconladyofthewilderness:
LadyOfTheWilderness Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2011
Shivers.
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:iconeloradust:
EloraDust Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2011
The last two lines. That is poetry all by itself! Nice work =)
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:iconanapests-and-ink:
anapests-and-ink Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconeloradust:
EloraDust Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2011
no problem =)
Reply
:iconzebrazebrazebra:
zebrazebrazebra Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2011  Professional Writer
I am a right dafty for suggesting this for a DD and not commenting on it.

Rhyme done right is amazing. Rhyme and metre done right is bloody amazing. Rhyme and metre done right, in a way that enhances the sonics, imagery and messages of the poem all in one hit, is rarer than angels in a strip club. It's particularly hard to find on dA, which is one reason I hopped on this so fast when I saw it. The other reason is that--well, I just said. It's good.

I agree with the person earlier who mentioned the second fresh, but it's not so much that it's the second use but the way the line break falls at fresh/taste; the rest of the line breaks read very naturally, which is what makes that one stand out for me. The end rhyme that did stand out a little to me was stones/stone. I know they're at opposite ends of the poem, but it appeared on my radar whereas fresh/fresh initially did not.

With the smoothness of flesh,

I felt a full stop or a semi-colon could work better here--thoughts?

And an iron-red cliff
That has been overgrown
With thin grasses made stiff
By the sun.


This leapt out at me in particular. Thank you for sharing it with us!
Reply
:iconanapests-and-ink:
anapests-and-ink Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
First,thank you for the amazing compliments. And the DD suggestion. And just.... (sorry, blushing too hard keep going)

"smoothness of flesh"--I agree. A semi-colon would work much better there.

"fresh/taste" definitely needs looking at. I'll get right on it. :)

As for stones/stone, I did it on purpose. I wanted to end the poem with a couplet, specifically one that would refer back to the opening lines. I needed a way to break the rhyme scheme without losing the circularity (?) of the poem. But I can see where it might be jarring.

And again, just...thanks. Really really thank you. This has to be the most incredible and validating experience I have ever had. :)
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