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Submitted on
October 22, 2012
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I first see Neal across the open sparkle mall floor, paused in serious contemplation thought speaking solely to self, whispers not for ears or voices only thoughts, shining thoughts, open thoughts thinking marvelous wonders of books and dust and corporate-but-not bookstores.  His hair is green not really but blue and green pirate green, red bandanna is he a pirate? asks the little girl with pigtails and chocolate snot embarrassed mother shoo be nice that's rude tugging hand with look of so sorry, she's five, not smart enough yet, please forgive and Neal with open half-grin smiling not really there but almost, not speaking but almost, not accepting or forgiving or out-loud speaking but just shelving, shelving, shelving.

And when I stretch across open sparkle-sparkle tile mall floor (checked with gum and scuffed tile and not-allowed skateboards) Neal looks up, somewhat barely, face open innocent quiet not-there.  I ask applications? Are you hiring? because I need a job but not really, no, asking because Neal has green but really blue but really bleached-once-black, maybe brown hair and a red bandanna and a Buddha smile.

A happy society must be created by people themselves,
not through prayer alone, but by taking action.


says our Buddha incarnate so I take action, take the application, sit on the twisted wire sliced cushion bench and take action.  A man-boy on cobblestone bumping skateboard with stickers and snears skates by flash emptiness blankness and Neal shelving shelving now far in back invisible just splash of green not green but blue hair dancing bobbing over the sex books.  I fill in the blanks, maybe lying a little, need to answer take action Are you hiring? Yes, please.  Neal's hair waltzing bobs and I can't see the form, can't the paper the runny pen the smear Pollock blobs references? No references.  Buddha incarnate and Keith's Dad he won't call, pirates don't call don't check references.

Neal glides never steps step softly, ghost is commandment number the first, takes the runny ink Pollock blob paper doesn't look says

"Yeah, we need holiday people still.  Can't guarantee you a position after New Year's, but we haven't had too much interest so....Can you start Monday?"
Submitted before I panic and decide never to post anything ever again.

This is kinda the style I'm hoping to go with for my NaNoWriMo project; I figure stream-of-consciousness is the only way to get me to throw my inhibitions to the wind and just freaking write. This was inspired by Kerouac's Doctor Sax, and is therefore possibly as utterly incomprehensible as that novel is. That said…

Questions:

1. Is it too confusing to enjoy?
2. Did you get a sense of the characters?
3. Is Neal’s dialogue too abrupt?

part of Sings the Mourning Dove

sidenote: the quote is a tweet by the Dalai Lama.
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Daily Deviation

Given 2012-12-14
An uninhibited stream of consciousness allows the reader to seamlessly enter into the mindset of the narrator in Boylan Books by *anapests-and-ink also suggested by *UnspecifiedUnknown ( Suggested by doughboycafe and Featured by Nichrysalis )

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:iconpearwood:
pearwood Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
Starting at the beginning.
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:iconfilly8:
Filly8 Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Speaking of stream of concious novels check out the novel Artist of the Floating World. Very stream of concious-y :)
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:iconanapests-and-ink:
anapests-and-ink Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
It looks like a fantastic read, but it doesn't strike me as being particularly stream-of-consciousness. :-?
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:iconfilly8:
Filly8 Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
It very much is. At least as far as i understand stream of concious ^^; We went over the novel in my Great works of Literature class. One of my professors main points was that it followed his stream of concious.
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:iconscfrankles:
SCFrankles Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Oh, congratulations! (Again ^_^) A worthy DD :w00t:
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:iconanapests-and-ink:
anapests-and-ink Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Completely shocked, believe me.
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:iconscfrankles:
SCFrankles Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Your work always deserves to be shown to a wider audience :heart:
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:iconbhojop:
BHOJOP Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2012
I liked it, but I think you'd need more punctuation - I know our thoughts don't have punctuation, but it's a necessary device in order to fit it into the constructs of language. Some parts of this was confusing for me as it stretched on and on and on.

That said, people enjoy different kinds of stream-of-consciousness narratives, and some people not at all. Perhaps I just enjoy the more lucid ones.
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:iconanapests-and-ink:
anapests-and-ink Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I seem to drift in and out of punctuation, here. Definitely something that needs a second look; thank you!
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:iconriparii:
riparii Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2012
Good read, it has color, noise, tension, wit and romance.
Works really well. Congratulations.
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